Letter to a 16 year old Brandy

-Let me say this first I am completely aware that time travel isn't possible but if I could choose a preferred method of time travel it would have to be with David Tennant  as Dr. Who because, I'm a nerd.  So in this fantasy the Tardis takes me to my hometown in 1999, where I can sneak an anonymous letter to a 16 year old me (obviously being cautious and not actually running into myself, let's not get into the consequences of that).  Here is that letter


Hey Brandy,

You are not invisible.  Are you ok?  Was today a good day?  Or did you spend the last 15 minutes not listening in class instead focusing on the fact that you are way tired and sweating a little.  Then that girl behind you giggles because you're out of breath,  laughing at you a little, as she sarcastically says "Are you like, ok?"  She is fully aware that she is turning your exhaustion from carrying around 225 pounds of weight upstairs to class, is now becoming a spectacle and you slowly sink down in your chair and mumble "yeah, fine."  Inside hoping beyond hope that your favorite math teacher doesn't say anything and just starts the lesson.  It's a good day and he does.  Then you feel the intense pain of the thoughts flooding your head "did that cute guy notice that? Oh, God you are such a slob and why can't you just stop eating, Brandy.  What's wrong with you?  You need to not eat tomorrow, and exercise in the backyard so no one sees."

These thoughts are causing  frequent headaches and fevers aren't they?  Go to the doctor for that, who cares that you have to weigh in, doctors don't judge if they do, they're not gonna do it in front of you. 

But I wish I could be there and tell you to stop, because you are beautiful.  Because, hating yourself and getting angry is not going to help you at all.  So, who cares if that boy doesn't notice you, oh I promise you one day he will and you'll be long gone. Happily engaged, to a man who loves you inside as well as out.  At the age of 31 you will be a size 12 on your way to an even smaller size.   It takes time though, your life was spent with years of self-loathing and hating that cause you to deal with depression and anxiety.  So much so that it hindered you from fixing it.  But you do fix it, in an unconventional way.  Do you want hear the good parts?   You need to know the good parts.

Your fiancé:
Oh he's so handsome, smart, athletic, a little bit older, artistic, kind, loving, and honest.  He's everything you dream and about want but don't believe right now, he does exist.  Without giving away details, you are happy and in a great place at 31.  I'm not going to tell you about the wedding, it'll be a surprise.

Your job:
You're an art teacher, all those years of wanting to be in art class but keeping it a secret because you love music too and don't feel cool enough for art, newsflash you are way cool.  Well those years of just band pay off you're a really good art teacher and your knowledge of music helps to make you super creative.  So keep being a band nerd, not everyone can read music, play an instrument and create amazing artworks. 

Now, at 31 you are smaller and healthy, you look like your mom now more than ever.  This world at a smaller size is different.  You're uncomfortable with a lot of the attention but in some ways its needed attention.  You will get to shop at all those shops that you want to!   You are a little creeped out by the men attention.  Yet learning how to handle yourself. That feeling like you have to be nice all the time, is slowly going away.  You know that there is a difference between being nice and being a pushover.  That is something you refuse to ever be again.  Like I said, you are not invisible.  It just took something different and life changing to get you to know that. 

So go back to class,  enjoy your friends, celebrate your dorkiness and try not to care what that cute boy thinks.  That girl who snickers at you is just as insecure as you are, but in other ways.  Go to the doctor, listen to what he says.  Keep trying to always be better, push yourself like you do, but don't hate yourself or feel like you are less of a person because of your weight.  Focus on those who love you just as you are. 

You are not invisible. 

Love yourself,

The future.